Just Jiya's Thoughts

“Jiya, I got selected for this competition!! I was personally asked for giving my contribution!” My friend came up to me, ecstatic.

“That is so great, I am so happy for you!” I replied.

But was I really happy? Were my feelings genuine? Was I completely okay with listening to my friend’s successes?

No. I was not.

In retrospect, I kid you not, I wouldn’t be genuinely happy even if I tried to. Did I care about the competition? Not really. Was I a teachers pet? Not in the least. Then what was poking my insides and making me feel so nauseous?

I was jealous.

Jealous of her being a level above me. I was jealous of not being capable of achieving a feat of this sort. I was jealous because I never received such recognition.

We always try to maintain such transparency in the relationships we build in our life, but at the end our selfish conscience comes and meddles forth in all our life experiences. The urge to see someone fail and to be high and mighty in front of them has succumbed most of us before reality eventually will.

It is preposterous as to how someone else’s victories make us feel so bitter and insecure about our own selves, as though their knowledge and skill was a metric for our own.

Overcoming this phase is a cumbersome task, which comprises of a twofold process: a) accept that you feel that way: acknowledging your feelings is the first step in working towards a better you, no matter how cliche that sounds, it is what it is, and b) think about it as something which is a part of their life and theirs only. We often tend to put ourselves in the foreground of situations which do not involve us, and this is perfectly normal because believe it or not, for each and every one of us, our world revolves around us, and us only, literally! But doing so every time may not give us the main character feeling we crave for, instead it will make us go through a lethargic period of burnout and overthinking where we sit on our beds clad in our plaid pajamas complaining about how we feel worthless rather than doing something about it, and that too all on the basis of someone else’s joy.

Perfection is a fallacy, and everyone has triumphant times in their lives, which will soon be accompanied by not so triumphant times as well. To get through it all- just find happiness in the smallest of things around you. Remarking other people, and linking their victories to your defeat will eventually get you nowhere.

To conclude my thoughts, here’s a quote from one of my favorite books, which I find to be relevant here. “All of us have our particular devil who rides us and torments us, and we must give battle in the end.” Fight your devil, like I am attempting to fight mine everyday. I am pretty sure we will win like we always do! Until next time!

-Jiya.

Hello everyone! I am back and better then ever. It has been quite a while since I posted and during this hiatus, I gained a lot of perspective towards things happening in my life. I took time to myself, experienced new experiences and seized new opportunities coming my way. I will surely be posting more now! My mind has been storing these thoughts that are restlessly waiting to be let out and voiced. Here’s to a new beginning 🙂

-Jiya.

We all had been taught that the content of more melanin, will cause your skin to be of a darker colour, and less of it, will make it lighter, this thought was just confined to biology for me until I came to know that it was much more than that. 

We all have the same colour of blood which is red, so if we are the same colour inside, then why is the colour of our outer appearance judged? Honestly, everyone mostly prefers white. Whether it’s a piece of fabric, or skin colour. Even in the poem, we ask a black sheep for white wool.

The real question here is, why? Why does the skin determine the capability of the person? Why do people assume that touching them is dirty, just based off of the colour? Why do people consider black as a bad omen? Why is having a dark skin colour not classified as ‘beautiful’? We all were born in such a way. God built all of us a shade apart. We all are born different. God didn’t define beauty, and so can’t we. 

So what if I am black? Or I am brown? I won’t choose a fairness cream to cover myself up, I don’t want to be fair and lovely. I want to be myself, and beautiful. 

Blacks and Whites, always contradictory to each other, they lie parallel. But it’s different here, in this case, we all need these parallel lines to meet. And the only way we can do that, is if we give a rest to our principles of what colour a person should be, and become broad minded and accepting towards everyone, we don’t want the world to be same, we don’t want it to be full of ordinary people, we need a world where everyone is born extraordinary, and born unique in their own way. Even in the whiteness of the eye, you need a black pupil, to have a vision towards the world. We need to wake up, use this vision, and realise, that we all are a part of the same painting, but just a shade apart.

Just Jiya

All her life she waited, waited and waited. Expecting a response, but little did she know, expectations were always meant to be broken. One day she got fed up, tired of waiting stretching her time and fitting her huge hopes into the small possibilities of the outcome.

She gave up. Not on her hopes, or her dreams, she gave up on the person, whom she was expecting from. Everyday, she felt delusional, waiting to be criticised, waiting to feel the pain, because somewhat it was the pain which gave her relief.

She knew that even if she would keep on expecting, she wouldn’t get anything in return, she felt as if she was giving up, she lost someone everyday. But what if someone lost her?

What if someone lost great opportunity, big hopes, wide eyes, a sensitive touch, an imaginative heart, and a beautiful soul?

No one realised how her presence was ever going to matter, but her absence made a difference.

No one saw how she lightened every room with her smile, but they saw how her tears put the curtains on the rays of happiness, which was the materialistic one, the one brought upon by abstract things which didn’t even show up later.

Her disappointment had a reason, but weirdly enough her sadness didn’t.

Her happiness had a reason, but her excitement didn’t.

But contrary to the same, all of this was because,

Her hopes had a reason, but her expectations had a story.

Everyone goes through a phase where they feel that their self worth is defined by other’s judgements, and I have too myself, but eventually they grow out of it. It’s a very common feeling, and it can lower your confidence. But clearly, ‘no one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ so don’t underestimate yourself. I tried to explain this concept via a small write up, hope you liked this format.

Thank you all for reading my blog. I would like to sign off for now, stay happy and stay safe!

Just Jiya

P.S- I tried to do something a little different this time, it’s a small write up, on a plethora of feelings I came across suddenly and wished to pen down.

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